Have a New Kid by Friday

I started reading a book called Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Lehman. It seems to be a good book about discipline and teaching your kids to listen to you. I read it and have been trying to put some of the priniciples into practice. The basics of the book is 2 fold. 1) you same something once, turn your back, and walk away and then 2) B doesn't happen until A gets done. So this is my night the other night.

We go and visit the neighbor with the double jogging stroller. Eli always gets to ride and normally Luke and Graham take turns riding. We are leaving the house and Luke says he wants to ride first. Not a big deal, I tell Graham he will walk and then ride in a little bit. Well he starts screaming and crying saying he wants to ride. Again I tell him that he needs to wait his turn, and again more screaming. So I just leave him in the road and walk away with Luke and Eli in the stroller. (For those of you who don't know we live on a culdesac road with maybe 1 car per hour on the road and they are always people who live there. So I wasn't fearing that he was in danger or going to get hit or anything.) So I get to our driveway and you can still hear Graham screaming, and Luke starts to say, Mom you can't leave Graham. You need to stop and go back and get him. The other priniciple, is once you walk away don't look back. THey tell you in the book the reason a kid throws fits is that he wants attention, and if you walk away and don't give him the attention he wants he will stop throwing the fit and follow you, because his whole point is to get your attention. I am just think Graham can ride. I said well why don't you go and tell him. So I stop about 100 ft into the driveway and turn and Graham has made it to the grass in the center of the culdesac, but is on the other side of the circle. So Luke runs after him and tries to tell him that he can ride and grabs his hand and tries to pull him. Graham refuses to be led by Luke and falls to the ground, still screaming. So I continue to stand there as Luke comes running back and says, don't leave Graham Mom. He is my brother, you can't leave him. I try to reassure Luke I won't leave him. No where in the book did it talk about the older sibling being so caring and worries about the younger sibling who gets left behind.

So we continue to stand there, for about 15 minutes waiting for Graham to join us. Luke is still trying to get me to go and get him, but I won't. He even tells me that he will watch Eli, while I go back and get Graham. So I finally walk the 100 ft to the end of the driveway and hold out my hand for Graham to come, and he does. So we continue to walk up the driveway, Graham is continuing to yell, "I want to ride". I try to tell Graham that he needs to stop crying and then he can ride. So we get about half way down the driveway and again he stops walking, and I just keep on going. Luke is again screaming, "Don't leave Graham" He eventually walks and catches up to us.

We get about 50 ft from the part of our driveway where there is a bend. Graham once again stops, but this times sits on the ground screaming he wants to ride. I walk the remaining 50 ft so that he can't see him, again waiting for my child to stop throwing his tantrum when he can't see me and doesn't get any attention. Once again Graham proves the book wrong, and sits there screaming for at least 15 mins. I told Luke he could run to the house and go in, however he said "no I want to wait for my brother Graham."

After 15 mins, I walked to where he could see me and again held out my hand and he walked to me. So I learned many things on this walk. First, always budget 45 minutes for the walk up the driveway. Second, Dr. Lehman has never met Graham Nash. Third, leaving Graham in a crowded place when throwing a tantrum would not be good as he will just stay and throw a fit. Fourth, Luke cares a lot about his brother.